Tuesday, December 6, 2011

looking here

So often these days I catch myself looking forward, anticipating the joy to come as my family grows.  I look forward to holidays with kids old enough to make crafts, and I imagine the adventures of Sly and his possible siblings.  I think of the things Papa Bear and I will teach Sly, and the ways we will play.  While this is all exciting, I am feeling a need to remind myself to look here.  Look right here, this moment, these days, right now.

It's not that I think happiness exists in the moments to come; I know so well that happiness exists in the present.

Humans have the gift and challenge of reflection and anticipation.  We can look back on and look forward to.  Many times in my life I've gotten lost in either of these.  Then, I remember, I feel my feet on the ground, and I slip back to the present.  

Right here, this is what I see, what I love, what I oughta be savoring, because I must (I must!) believe all the Mamas when they say it goes by so fast:

--a baby boy working so hard just to sit up on his own.  Working every muscle of his body.  And being purely delighted by his work.
--naps.  They are few in comparison to those newborn-days, but they still happen multiple times a day, everyday.  And in those naps, this Mama breathes enjoys her own desires.
--a floor baby, content to cruise around on his tummy much of the time.  He's working on crawling, but far from mastery, so I don't have to worry yet about what-in-the-world Sly's gotten in to.  When he's not "working" on the floor, Sly loves to be --
--a ride-along baby.  The ergo is an almost constant piece of my wardrobe.  Sly loves to be close to Mama or Papa.  He loves to see whatever it is we are doing.  And he loves to be within hair-pulling distance.
--an excuse to buy nothing for my child this Christmas.  This is an area where I do a lot of looking forward - looking forward to the creating, the giving, the surprise and joy.  Yet, right now, Sly won't know the difference.  And most importantly, I know that for right now, being near Mama is the most important thing to him.  It is a wonderful time where I can actually be the gift.  I get to save energy by not making or buying anything, and put that energy into loving my boy as much as possible.
--nursing my nursling.  I am endlessly amazed at how this baby grows from my milk.  He pulls and gets distracted, he's started showing interest in foods, but nothing trumps the breastfeeding yet.  When he settles in and gazes up at me, intent and content, I am overwhelmed with love.
--lots of time indoors at home.  I don't know that I've had so much time at home since I was a baby myself.  This is the time to dream, the time to sit, the time to do nothing except take care of my baby all day and know that that is okay.
--the joy of just one.  Much of my looking forward has to do with more children in our home.  While I do want more babies, right now I have just one.  This means, when that one is napping the house is truly quiet.  Or if that one is needing me, I am not being pulled by another.  I can strap on my one, and walk two dogs.  I can pass off my one to Papa when I need a moment alone.  Best of all, I can savor and really get to watch my one son grow, as he is doing so rapidly.

Reminding myself to relinquish some of that looking forward, and instead, look here.  Right here is where I am.  Right here is a sleeping boy, two resting dogs, and a cup of tea amidst a messy kitchen. Right here is a full moment, a deep breathe, space to think and do.  I'm taking a lesson from the dogs, and my baby boy on presence.  Thanks, family.

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