shifting years, shifting traditions

It's good to be home in our own bed :)

How good it can be to unplug!  I had almost a week with out internet, and a few days of very limited cell phone use, which helped me to plug into the moment all the more.  I don't even have many pictures to show from our trip off the mountain, because I was that unplugged!  The down side is whenever I take a break from the computer, the return can be overwhelming.  It's taken me about 36 hours to feel like I can handle it, like I am back in the groove of my daily life.

Our family is at a changing place in our lives.  About traditions, specifically.  This year, we all traveled to stay with both sides of our families.  It was bittersweet, knowing that next year I won't wake up on Christmas morning at my Mom's house, that I won't be there for her birthday the night before.  I wonder how we will work it all out?  If it is possible to get through the holiday season with out any feelings being hurt?  But deep down I am excited to be making our own traditions, to form celebrations that feel right for our little family.  Less emphasis here, more there, different rituals created.  And then inviting others to join us.


Something tucked within the crevices of familial relationships has bothered me for so long.  I can't pinpoint it exactly, but it is within the space of missing each other so much it hurts when we are apart, and longing to be apart when we are together.  Something in the sticky space of The Way We Were and How We Are.  And the fact that sharing blood with someone, growing up in the same house hold perhaps, still manages to produce very different people.  Something within these blurry lines rubs me.  It's like we pick each other's scabs, and I often come away from family gatherings with a need to recover.  I say this not to complain.  I love my family, by birth or relationship.  Through the processing of this holiday season I have come away with 2 intentions:  To be ever-more spacious around these relationships, allowing both them to be and me to be.  To be big and full of space, so that even as old wounds are rubbed, love has room to shine through.  And, to talk less.  Talking less means listening more, and practicing patience.  I could use a heavy dose of that in my life.

Not much phases this lil man, as long as he has space to crawl

My mom out did herself at Christmas as usual.  Her gifts were thoughtful and special.  I often feel I can not thank her enough for her flexibility, understanding, and just plain old kindness.  All of this shines through so bright around Christmas.  I will miss being at her home in seasons to come, but she has inspired me in creating my own holiday traditions.  Everyone's gifts were so nice that for a moment I felt self-conscious about my homemade givings.  These feelings are apart of the shift, though.  There were many beautiful, happy exchanges over the days surrounding Christmas, and those are the real gifts.  Sly was showered with wooden toys, Sophie the giraffe, a wool shirt and bamboo diapers!  (THANK YOU FAMILY!!)   Papa got records and knives!  Mama got cookware, knitting needles and yarn!  We breastfed in all sorts of locations and Sly got to meet some great aunts, uncles and cousins for the first time.  There were lots and lots of sincere hugs.  We ate some junk food.  I made more peppermint bark.  We had a dog-sitter (yes, that's right) for an evening out.  We watched a movie!  I read a whole novel - Sarah's Key.  All and all, a successful experience.

Enjoying Uncle James

Sly hammed it up for Papa's side of the family on the 26th

And now, New Years Eve.  The eve of 2012, a much touted year for change.  What will it bring for my family.  Change, that is for sure, but How?  Isn't that always the question?  We state what we want, declare an aspiration, invoke an intention ... and relinquish the How.  There is a lot I want to change, new things I want to create in my life this year.  I hope to do so with patient determination, and with Grace.

Happy New Years to all of you!  Blessings of peace and abundance. ~lis